Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
