I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
