About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize