Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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