I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
