My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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