apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i will never coherently bang her
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize