i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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