A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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