Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
