Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
