I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
