I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
