I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
