Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
