she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
