i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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