how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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