not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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