i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
