Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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