remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
