Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
