we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Less talking, more tequila
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
