So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have feelings that need drinking.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
