HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
