I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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