For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
