You smell like a Billy Joel song
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
