We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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