I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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