in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
