I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
