wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
