i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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