Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
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Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
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While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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