I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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