I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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