I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Randomize
