Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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