I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
