I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
