maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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