The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Is it penis luge time yet?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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