69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
