Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
