The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
