It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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