Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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