I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
