My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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