Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
