You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
